Ever feel like you’re alone in a negotiation with your parents? It can be tough when it feels like a 2-on-1 battle. But what if you could change the odds? What if you had a secret team of allies on your side?
The truth is, you might have a hidden advantage you’re not using: your siblings and grandparents. They can be your secret weapons in any negotiation.
The Power of an Ally
Parents often listen more to people they trust, especially if those people don't seem to have a personal interest in the outcome. That's where your family comes in. Your older sibling can vouch for a late-night study group, or your grandparents can share a nostalgic story about staying out late in their day. When someone else speaks up for you, your request stops sounding like a selfish plea and starts sounding more reasonable.
But just like any good strategy, this takes a little planning.
Build Your Relationships: Before you need a favor, make sure you have a good relationship with your siblings and grandparents. Help your brother with his homework or do a chore for your sister. Spend time with your grandparents and let them know you appreciate them. A little goodwill goes a long way and makes them much more likely to help you when you need it.
Strategize Before You Ask: Before you even talk to your parents, talk to your potential allies. Figure out who has the most influence over your parents. Is it your mom’s dad? Your older, more responsible sister? Talk to them first. Explain your situation, and get them on board. Give them the reasons you think your request is a good one, and a few compliments never hurt, either!
I learned this the hard way back in seventh grade. I got a terrible test grade, and I knew my parents would be furious. I was stressed, but then my older brother stepped in. He had been in the same boat before and knew the best way to handle it. He told me to be honest but also to explain my side of the story.
When my parents initially grounded me for a whole week, my brother jumped in. He explained how hard the test was and how busy I’d been with other activities. Because he spoke up, my punishment was reduced to just two days.
My brother's help made all the difference. He had my back because we had a good relationship. And he had influence with our parents because he was the older, responsible sibling.
Remember, your family members are more than just relatives; they can be powerful allies. Learning how to get them on your side is a key part of becoming a master negotiator.
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and start turning those "No's" into "Yes's." Or, if you're a teacher or parent and want to talk more about these ideas, feel free to email me to discuss a talk or workshop. Let's start the conversation!
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Shambhavi Choudhary, Author
Hyderabad, India, 12 July 2025
