Ever walked into a negotiation with your parents—about a new phone, a later curfew, or a weekend trip—and had your request shot down the second it left your mouth? It's frustrating when you feel like you've hit a dead end before you've even started.
But what if the key to winning wasn't standing your ground? What if it was learning to be flexible?
The Power of Being Flexible
When you're asking for something big, being willing to adjust your request is a powerful strategy. It shows your parents you're reasonable, not stubborn. It opens the door to a real conversation, and sometimes, it can even lead to you getting something better than what you originally wanted.
Think of it like this: your parents are trying to find a solution that works for everyone. By showing them you're willing to meet them in the middle, you’re not giving up; you’re changing the game.
Here are a few ways to master this skill:
Offer a choice: Instead of just asking for "that one thing," give them options. If you want a specific phone, try offering a choice between two similar models. This puts them in the driver’s seat and makes them feel like they're making a decision, not just saying yes or no. The catch? Make sure both options are things you'd be happy with!
Ask for more to get what you want: This is a classic negotiation trick. Start with a bigger request to create room to compromise. If all you really want is a soda, maybe you start by asking for ice cream. When they say no to the bigger request, you can "come down" to what you really wanted all along. It worked for me when I was a kid! I asked for ice cream and ended up with a soda, which was a win since I usually wasn't allowed to have it!
Start with smaller steps: Don't go straight for the biggest request, especially if it's a huge ask like an overnight party. Build trust first. Ask for a later curfew, prove you can handle it, then ask for a sleepover. By showing your parents you can be responsible with small bits of freedom, you're paving the way for a bigger "yes" later on.
Remember the time I was promised my room could be redecorated for getting good grades? When my parents said no because it was too expensive, I didn't give up. Instead, I gave them a choice: the room re-do they’d promised, or something else I’d wanted for a while: a hoverboard. I knew the room wasn't going to happen, so I used the bigger request to get something I probably wouldn't have been allowed to have otherwise. And within two weeks, that hoverboard was mine.
Being flexible isn’t about giving in. It’s about playing the long game. It’s about showing your parents you’re willing to work with them, not against them. And that small give-and-take can lead to some big wins.
Want to learn more about how to master the art of negotiation and get what you want from your parents? This is just one of the many powerful strategies inside my book.
Ready to learn the art of getting what you want? This is just a taste of what's inside my new book. It's packed with practical tips, real-world examples, and step-by-step guidance to help you negotiate like a pro.
Order your copy today
and start turning those "No's" into "Yes's." Or, if you're a teacher or parent and want to talk more about these ideas, feel free to email me to discuss a talk or workshop. Let's start the conversation!
.
Shambhavi Choudhary, Author
Hyderabad, India, 10 August 2025
